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When Space Was Held
On being held, holding yourself, and the sacred weight of kindness
To be held space for is compassionate consideration happening in real time.
It's a love language.
For me, it means presence. Intentionality. The utmost level of care, gentleness, and nurturing consistently. A moment where space is held has always been precious to me. Sacred. Where my soul can breathe.
This is why sharing and extending kindness is
everything.
The Premise
When someone holds space for you in a moment, in a way that you needed it most, its weight stays with you. The reverberations last.
But here's the reflection: when that kind of care is mirrored back to you, can you say you do that for yourself? Consistently? Or do you go around expecting it from others, even when you haven't explored holding that sacred space for yourself?
This is what I want to explore. The deep meaning of what it means to be held space for. Why holding space for yourself and being responsible for it matters.
A Memory
A significant and special memory surfaced recently. A time when I experienced this kind of gentleness, the way I needed to be held, space for.
I will never forget this beautiful lady. An assigned earth angel, she truly was. She was like my very own Miss Honey in primary school, 2008 to be exact. What a time that was.
I couldn't believe that someone could carry such softness, grace, and nurturing towards
me.
That year of being in her class was absolute joy and ease. This came after I had experienced a challenging year of adjusting to my new normal: away from home, away from my mother, away from what was familiar to me.
And in that space? That space was held for the baby girl, okay. (giggles)
I am so grateful for that, because she didn't know what she was doing for the little girl in front of her. She didn't know who that little girl would become. The young woman is and is still becoming.
And I realise now: the grace and beauty I saw and fully experienced in her presence was the beauty and divine essence of God. The light you see in someone is God's light shining through. She was a vessel for that grace, and without knowing it, a seed was planted in me that I'm only now beginning to understand as part of my healing, and that has been rooted deeply, nurtured, pruned, and is now blooming softly and brightly.
The Lasting Impression
It's so interesting how I can literally remember everything about her. What it felt like to be in her presence. That was the one year where I looked forward to being at school, to being in her class, just in her presence, because she made everything in my little mind seem okay.
And this ties back to the essence of showing up in our lives with kindness.
The saying that how you treat someone truly can have a lasting impression. It's real. The reverberations stay.
So here's the reflection: if this kind of care were mirrored and reflected back to you, to yourself, would it look the same?
Would there be evidence that you show yourself kindness? That you hold space for yourself when you need it? When your inner baby girl, your inner baby boy, needs it?
Or are you just sitting in the expectation that someone else will do it?
The Question We Avoid
The reason we find ourselves depleted in sticky situations with the people in our lives, our relationships, and our communities is this: At what point did you stop to take a moment to refuel? To fill your vessel? To meet yourself where you need to be met, and then begin to hold space for those moments, those parts of you that need to be held space for?
That baby girl, that baby boy, just wants to be heard. Nurtured. Understood.
Kin and Kind
Kindness is viewed as an intentional, voluntary act of compassion and grace.
But the word itself carries more than we realise.
The Etymology of Kindness
Kindness originates from the Old English word
kyndnes, which initially meant "nation," "produce," or"increase." This was derived from gecynd (meaning "nature, family, or lineage") and is directly related to the word "kin".
Around c. 900, the word kind meant "natural" or "innate," behaving in accordance with one's nature or birth. To be kind was to act in alignment with who you naturally are.
Over time, the meaning evolved. But the root remains: showing kindness is often interpreted as acknowledging a shared identity, treating a stranger as if they belong to one human family.
— Etymology sourced from Oxford English Dictionary and historical linguistics research
How beautiful is this discovery? (Side note: I do have a mini obsession with digging deep into a word's origin and meaning.)
The Reflection
I watched a clip of a conversation where Trevor Noah spoke about this very thing: the word "Kindness" and its connection to kin.
He said, "We are the same kind. You are me, and I am you."
And so what we may be saying and reflecting back in moments of true kindness is this: I am seeing you. I see your soul. And you are seeing my soul and me in that moment.
It reminds me of collective consciousness, how tethered we are. The essence that is compassionate consideration. We are not as separate as we believe.
The Invitation
This is an invitation to be in your life with nurturing accountability.
To meet you in joy.
The joy is closer than you think. And may it be within you to embrace, embody, and integrate that joy. To be joy-filled and joyful.
Allow yourself to welcome a new way of being, my lovely.
The Practice
Holding space for yourself begins with how you speak to yourself.
It begins with recognition. Acknowledgment. Saying to yourself:
"Hi, lovely, I see you. I'm with you."
This is the practice. Not waiting for someone else to hold the light for you, but learning to hold it for yourself, so that when others do show up, you receive it from a place of fullness, not depletion.
Meet yourself with kindness.
Speak life into your life force.
Hold space for yourself today, lovely.
